I Feel Dirty

Passover has passed us over (removed due to excessive corniness) and the reign of your matzah pizza has ended.

As soon as Passover was over for me, I decided to indulge in some leavened bread. With cheese. And that red pizza sauce. And it wasn’t even good. WHY DID I CHEAT ON YOU MATZAH PIZZAH?!

I saw a doughy substance sprawled on the table
I knew that I shouldn’t, but I was not able
To strike away my animalistic lust
Gluttony overcame commitment, Have I lost your trust?

I suppose I must accept as all offenders do
The termination of our consignation, but I still crave you
Oh my lungs are devoid of air, for a miscreant such as I
Isn’t deserving of oxygen as the Bible says concerning an eye

For an eye, a tooth for a tooth, it’s true
Exemplifying karmic justice at its paradigmatic value
Your succulent corpus unchained from what I consider mine
My heart shattered pro rata, the anhydrous shards are thine

ON a lighter note - here's a funny movie

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Beginning

You may be thinking to yourself - what the fuck are you saying??????

That's a fucking horror movie and I pissed myself when I saw that!!

To which I'd respond: Shut up you pussy-faggot lovechild, I'm entitled to my opinion. This is the fucking Internet, and I live in America (North, don't worry) so I have free speech.

And my opinion is that its hilarious. The last 20 minutes or so of that movie is practically comedy. Leatherface is a regular Rodney Dangerfield, just with a chainsaw and homocidal tendencies. I was cracking up, I could not control my laughter. Honestly, you can't expect the girl to get away in the end, of course he's gonna kill her. And the blone kid who got drilled (literally, a hole through his abdomen) got tossed away like a ragdoll, only LeatherFace used his chainsaw. Fucking brilliant. MAd skills there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a corpse off of a chainsaw without using your hands?

IF you do, I'd suggest lying about it.

Matzah Pizza

TO anyone who says "that's what they all say!" Well, tune everyone else out but me, and then I'll be the only one saying it. So fucking listen to me already.

What's the difference between Pesach Pizza and Matzah Pizza?
They're probably the same thing.

I love eating your Matzah Pizza
It is beautifully crafted like the Mona Lisa
The cheese is luscious and it does sizzle
On the matzah the sauce is drizzled

Its brick color shrouded by the undulant cheese
Layered upon the matzah base like December snow on trees
The sum of the ingredients in its malleable form
Enervates passersby who instinctively swarm

As the drones circumvent, A body does cogitate
"Who's machination could be eurhythmic as such?"
And that perspicacious soul will still masticate
Mitigating his recalcitrant inclination to nothing much


Subservience is deplorable, yet all will comply
Matzah Pizza's prodigiousness will do that to a guy
Sublime in texture, ethereal in taste
Tell your woman to get into the kitchen with haste!

I WANT SOME MATZAH PIZZA!!!


Disclaimer: WTFAYS does not agree with the opinions and values expressed in the above literary expression. Though we do exemplify them in our daily lives.

Sharp Tasty Crazy Humor

First off, I'd just like to everyone a word of advice:

1. If you’re feeling frisky, and you start humping nearby objects, make sure you know what you’re rubbing up against. Say the table has a sharp corner, you’d probably want to avoid that. Also, If you’re alone in an elevator (and humping the air) make sure to stop BEFORE the doors open.

2. Another thing, to all those people who use LOL:

I know you’re not actually laughing out loud every time that you type in lol. Its so overused and now it has basically no meaning. As long as I make an attempt at [bad] humor I’ll still get a lol. And then when I actually have something funny, I won’t be able to distinguish it from the crap. It’s highly counterproductive. Use ROFL when you actually think something is funny, thanks.

3. How many of you have ever had blueberry blintzes? They are orgasmic. It’s what the sky would taste like if it was cooked. (get it, because its blue)

4. If you have are on a porn site in your other browser window, please exit this one, go back to your happy time, and get it over with. Then you can come (don’t get any on the keyboard!) here.

5. Guns don’t kill people, death kills people.

The Grim Reaper needs a raise.

6. Me: Have you ever pictured Santa Claus getting head from one of the elves in his workshops?

You: You too?

Me: Holy Fuck you have?

…Shit now even I’m a little freaked out

You: Can I call you back?